Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
The dogs were on the table, peed on it without you realizing and you guys decided to eat on it anyway? Even if there's water, wouldn't you attempt to clean it up? I don't understand. There's more then a few drops. It's a freaking puddle.
heywood 0
...I guess urine for a surprise.
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Comments (101)
Lil_Ms_Trble 0
EW!!!! with all my love for dogs, why woud anyone place a puppy on the table? unless you're eating on the floor....
hanic101 0
Even if it was water that still was gross.
polly87 0
EEW. But YDI for eating something that touched ANYTHING ON THE FLOOR. You're an idiot.
polly87 0
Okay I see that it was on the table, not floor. Whatever. That's still disgusting. Pee or no pee.
CourtneeMalakian 0
even if it was water WHY would you still eat it? nasty
jncwmnd 0
EXACTLY! This is the second FML where some idiot ate something from a table just because they assumed it was still some sort of food. The other one, someone was eating outside and thought there was mayo on the table so she used her finger to wipe it up and lick it off but it was bird poop. Who even does that?!
spoo 24
i think were well beyond #2 :( (bird stuff ~ ice cream, sour cream, dressing etc) Also, a number of things being chocolate... rather not reiterate any of those.
logicalthinker 0
Why would you eat something that fell in a puddle of unspecified liquid? Why would no-one clean up a large "spill" on the dining table? Who eats SANDWICHES for dinner? Why would the puppies be on the dinner table, and if they were why would no-one have been watching them?
too_much_fun 0
hahah..all true points. and since when does pee look like water??
thrillhouse100 0
and why didn't anyone eat the puppies
shoegal808 0
You didn't notice a puppy peeing on the table?! Even if it was water, why would you eat your sandwich after that? Soggy sandwiches - not nice.
BILMAN 0
how can you not see the dog piss on the cloth?! if you werent there when it happened then you should piss in its food!
muffinsareyummy 1
ydi for letting a dog on the damn table!
shnibz101 0
Puppies are awsome that way
LuvPink 0
he put the puppies on the kitchen table?