Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
The dogs were on the table, peed on it without you realizing and you guys decided to eat on it anyway? Even if there's water, wouldn't you attempt to clean it up? I don't understand. There's more then a few drops. It's a freaking puddle.
heywood 0
...I guess urine for a surprise.
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Comments (101)
ChibiGirl5 0
why the hell would there be dog pee on the table
carly_rose_02 5
...why would you dip anything that's a puddle on the table? Even if it was water, putting your sandwich on the tablecloth intentionally is gross.
miss2kute31 0
Why was there dog piss on the table to begin with?
Katwoman_1987 1
For the people who are complaining about eating sandwiches for dinner, maybe it was a sub sandwich, or grilled cheese sandwich (although why they didn't specify, I don't know). Secondly, sometimes my mom would make French Dip sandwiches, which are meant to be dipped in the meat juices after it has cooked (although I agree, soggy sandwiches sound gross, and I never did dip the French dips in the sauce). And thirdly, I use to live with people who had a small dog (about the size of a medium sized cat) who jumped up on the table to lick it clean (after I saw that I never ate at their house again). The dog would jump up onto the chair and then jump to the table, walk around and lick the table from the crumbs and stuff that were left behind.0. However, the fact that even if all that happened, if the OP saw the puddle to begin with when they sat down to eat, why they didn't immediately wipe up the puddle is beyond me. And esp dropping a piece of sandwich in said puddle and eating it. Ew. The only other sense I could make of this is if they had a long table cloth that touched the floor and the OP dropped their sandwich on that part of the tablecloth. Although still, if it dropped even just near the floor I wouldn't have attempted to eat it.
fuckkyeaaaalaura 12
Why would you even eat it after it fell in water anyways ? That's gross .
flipflapfeng 3
how did you know it wasnt water? you know how piss tastes..
lsd_25 8
why would u eat something off the floor in the first place
MiaLoves 8
Has anyone even thought about the color? I'm no genius, but even I would consider the yellow stains left on my tablecloth and/or sandwich bread.
Stuffaluffagus 25
Why was the puppy on the table?
graced91 10
They must be super hydrated, if the urine was THAT clear and oderless