Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML
Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
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Top comments
BlackWolfVII 0
Well you know what they say about love. It's like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth. The situation is only slightly altered.
dickinabox 0
That's how you know he loves you!
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Comments (140)
crazy_cat_lady 0
My boyfriend tried to stand up and pee in the bed in his sleep too. The key is yelling, "NO! NO! HELL NO! NOT HERE! YOU HAVE TO PEE IN THE BATHROOM!" as loud as you can, as well as clapping your hands.
dannnngthatsux 19
Don't forget the newspaper and "Bad dog, no no" Then smack him with the paper.
Mnemic 6
Damn, I guess you now can buy a new mattress. At least you're a lovely caretaking person!
strawberry_78 0
Hahahaha...ahhhh 21st birthday says it all.
Sakeyaki 0
Sexy.
Sens_fan9 0
LMAO #19 wrong FML. And anyways, it was the 21st birthday. Of course he's gonna pee on you if your in the same bed...
not1 0
it's a rare thing i laugh at anything on the internet but it happened this time - AWESOME!
ZiggyMorrison 0
hooray for the golden shower!!!!! its only right that you should return the favor i mean guys hate it when they give give and give but never recieve
rocketship 0
umm sorry for partying.
slutmuffin 0
Um...isn't there a post really similar to this 'girlfriend-taking-care-of-trashed-boyfriend-on-his-21st' ?
xXPeachRoseXx 0
Well, he peed on you, meaning he claimed his property! Think of it that way! :D