Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
umerin 32
That's talent.
Welshite 40
He just proved "practice makes perfect."
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Comments (97)
nikki151 21
That's not an FML that's a learning opportunity lol
GavinP99 10
You shouldn't even be mad You should be impressed haha.
LucyLollipop 22
I'm not mad. And I am kind of impressed. I just thought it was pretty funny and that it might actually get published.
nikki151 21
This isn't an FML, it's a learning opportunity lol
Tannasgh 22
Perhaps he should go blow himself...
Tyrez 32
Maybe he has more practice than you ;)
schreibergx93 19
Perhaps he may want to become more flexible then.
judgedbyAllornun 3
Oook... Well we know what he spends his spare time doing when he is not with you.. Makes ya wonder hmmm???
yeahsciencebitch 7
Well tbh I think there's a big difference between what he did, sliding it down maybe just once and then removing it. Some guys like to hold the back of your head and thrust their pelvis or move your head with his hands. That way you don't feel the same amount of control, as they control the depth, speed and so on. Maybe try to explain that to him and that when you deepthroat there's a very large difference between penises, size, width, bend etc. maybe his is just one that's not so easy to 'get down'. A position I feel helps me make it easy, is if he sits on his feet, knees apart. That way I can sit between his legs with my legs over each of his in a cradling like position, and bend down over his penis. try asking if you could talk about it. Deepthroating isn't always comfortable for the person doing it, and then he/she shouldn't have to do it. Sex should be fun!
9a_1z 12
Judging by the speed with which he gets through our snack supplies, I think my husband can deep-throat too.
CanisInfernus 12
Really, that's just kinda badass.