Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
umerin 32
That's talent.
Welshite 40
He just proved "practice makes perfect."
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Comments (97)
US_StormTrooper 2
Frankly I've done the same thing for ex-girlfriends of the past. Sadly, I just needed to find one that was actually up to the task and didn't need a demonstration of how it was possible and not that big of a deal... Then again I've always found it hard to understand why people are unable to accomplish what I can accomplish... I'm agreeing with smidge1987 on the jealousy part ;-) Perhaps I would have been a really fun and talented performer if I was gay lol
THEDARKLORDOFALL 17
Uhhhhh
anarchymaniac 22
Maybe you should find someone else
mightymorbid 6
wtf
lollypop30001 19
Maybe he done it a few times if you know what I mean!
NotRussian 16
"I can do anything you can do better!" "Gulglug"
greeneyedx 23
"It's not uncomfortable for me, so therefore I don't see how anyone else could feel uncomfortable!"
xFOAxREAPER 11
only 140 characters to explain. I did go on to tell her how I could see how it wouldn't be desirable to have someone moving and or pushing you further down before you were ready. just a fun joke that she thought to share. :)
Frid_Kun 7
those evil evil ablists.
LeGly 5
I wouldn't even be mad, that's impressive.
Lars93 18
Dafuq did I just read... o.O
iadtgrad07 6
Ummmm, he's done this before. Obviously.