Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML
Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
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Top comments
tehhotness 0
Your grandpa rules
McZeal 0
grandpa's a pimp
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Comments (188)
theoldGP 0
#17 - generally thats true apparently not here. ahaha wow some people didnt know that eating = eating out (pussy) lol but that is really gay of your bf to get a tongue ring...
dragon_fml 0
hahaa, that's how some grandparents are. at least the cool ones. :)
roflmaonade 2
your boyfriend got a tongue piercing? ..i won't judge
Marysenjo 0
lmao, gotta love gramps xD
Anne_Onimus 0
#14... exactly what I was thinking.
nikkireese 0
a] gramps is one freakin awesome old fart b] does the protective dad kno what that means? if he's as prudish as I imagine he'd, be he may not. . . . but if he were to ask for an explanation. . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA, that'll b fun times for OP
omgitspoy 6
ok this is just funny but one thing i don't get is why he couldn't eat? i mean unless he's a complete pussy he could eat the day he got his tongue pierced. after you bite the ring a couple times you learn and it doesn't hurt or swell to bad.
adelaide_evening 0
Are you guys not around old people that often? They wink at EVERYTHING. It is possible he meant sexual, but I still think he meant otherwise. Every time I'm around old, senile people, they wink after like every sentence. "Have a nice day" (wink) "Do you want onion rings or fries with that?" "Fries" (wink) "Sir, your shoelace is untied" "Thanks" (wink) Honestly, if an old man meant something sexual every time he winked at me, there would be a lot of old men in trouble. My grandpa winks all the time, and I know he means nothing sexual by it.
BakerMan_fml 0
Your grandfather is a funny man!
gabeepicfails 0
not so bad , just a joke .