Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
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Top comments
Askzombie 14
Well you volunteered as tribute.
AninOnin 24
Tell him his junk looks like an elephant, and flap his balls like Dumbo's ears.
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Comments (155)
HueyMcLeon 6
lol
OctoberJade 12
Same here. We'd probably end up laughing about it in public, with code words like "ca-caw" or "mocking jay".
jseid2 10
And apparently neither do you.
legs666 10
feel violated yet?
jadelolly 3
tmi.....
BDA_fml 5
Should of told him his balls are going to look like a blue jay (at least the blue part)
Avery001 6
After reading this out loud to my husband, he did it to me. Lmao. Oh, boy...
DrummerWS 23
What.....The **** did I just read? o_O
XypherDubstep 8
Keep him
rs7797 9
and you.let.a that.loser.****.you ?dont you want a man to.****.you.instead of a kid ?