Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
You cheated on your boyfriend with a potato?
wantmeasandwich 26
Not just any potato. An old, wrinkly one. Shame! I hope you can talk your way out of this one, OP.
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Comments (217)
Anditsgone 5
Hopefully its from another guy... Dady might not be very intelligent
blackonblight 33
Tell him to just wait, he'll see the resemblance to himself when she starts screaming.
tb1010 1
I didn't know Mr Potato Head had THAT part!!!
Jocgre 13
Damn those potatoes...
tigerlilytracey 6
is that potato from Idaho?
Marinewife12 8
Sometimes the babies don't look like their parents for a long time. My aunt and uncle had their son in august of 2012 and he looks like my younger cousin right now. But yes your boyfriend is not using his brain.
Jeffy91 28
Go get a DNA test. That ought to clear everything up dealing with whether or not its his baby. Now the whole trust ordeal between you two will probably be harder to resolve. On a further note... I can now see your child in the future posting on here " Today, I found out as a baby my mom compared me to an old, wrinkly potato. FML" Question... is his name Spud? haha
mesahus 5
You should name him russet, or better yet, baby red xD
amisenho 11
Welp, time to get on the phone with Social Services and one bastard of a potato.
shinikageWolf 15
"Yeah I cheated on you with Mr. PotatoHead! He's an actor and had a bigger D!"