Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML
Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
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Top comments
clueless05 12
How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?
CeCe184 17
F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.
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Comments (193)
clownpocket74 1
What are you too stupid to know the difference between positive and negative? Go back to school. I hope you haven't reproduced but I'm sure you haven't you sound too stupid to know where to put what.
Metallica36176 16
I think you took as a double negative kind of thing. Positive usually means good so I understand to a point. I say you just probably had a brain fart. just explain to your boss, I hope it doesn't cost your job in his time of grief.
LordVader789 3
Go back to school
stuckONsingle 4
What. An. Idiot. You are. -_-
LaBooskie 1
I can't understand how you don't know what positive means. What a moron.
FML_14u2c 14
Hey OP, did you fail your last blood test or something? I hope you sincerely apologized to your boss.
DaVinciChode 3
Would you people just give the OP a ******* break? They made an honest mistake. I mean come on, the word positive just sounds so...POSITIVE!
Faye2210 9
Lol, How could you not know that?!
nmlutgen 11
Turns our your an idiot.
jrugg15 5
Dipshit