Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML
Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML
Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
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Top comments
junkman6 22
The idea of an obese bully being tazered makes me extremely happy.
Shleebs 12
Shocking.
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Comments (104)
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Well to be fair, that kid probably had some sort of punishment coming to him. Still hope he's ok, maybe he'll be less of a bully.
yerbduebeenehe 16
Couldn't agree more
oj101 33
Reminds me of The Hangover. If you're the "fat Jesus", you might need to use 2.
krupa1017 18
Why do you have a taser? Lol
Zomg_Okay 27
Why would anyone have a taser? Self-defence.
Dawnstempest 17
Or because they are into SMBD.
Soulsbane96_fml 11
Wait, they're for self defense? Shit, I've been doing it wrong the whole time.
Sweetpea22 14
*Defense* Sorry, that was bugging me. :P
WellThatSucked89 13
Defense can be spelled either way. I googled it lol
Zomg_Okay 27
68 - It is typically spelled "defence" in British English.
dstark26 9
You daughter really showed him
juan77football 6
I mean someone had to teach him a lesson
nitrog100 21
That's awesome.
ThatNinjaBoy 9
Well the bully part makes me think he deserves it so good job to your daughter.
StompinOnCrayons 15
Just use the good old "accidently on-purpose" line
isabellasimone 18
Uh oh, why does your daughter have a taser?!
StompinOnCrayons 15
I quote "my daughter FOUND MY taser"
spluver0005 17
Okay that was wrong to do, but still, your daughter is awesome