Stoner in disguise

Or is he? This could be an fml because he does indeed do drugs.

Honestly, it does sound like OP might be doing drugs. He "nearly" had to do a drug test. Sounds like OP might be doing a drug off work and was afraid that it would turn up on the drug test for the wrong reason, like laughing at OP'S boss's comment. Why else would it be an FML otherwise? I'm probably wrong and over analyzing, but oh well.

It could still be an FML because some medical practices will ban you for turning up positive on drugs you don't have prescriptions for or that are illegal drugs. Which can be a problem because some technicians for drug screens alter the results and/or contaminate samples. so. There was some case where one technician altered over 1000 drug screens- over the course of one or two years- to be false positives for ***** and giggles. My mother had it happen to her, with the technician making her test read as a false positive for a narcotic that isn't even produced anymore, let alone sold. So, yeah, 'nearly' getting drug screened can be really bad even if you don't take illicit drugs. Sorry if this sounds accusatory or whatever- not intended, just had trouble wording it.

As someone who takes prescription adorol for ADHD/ADD, drug tests scare the hell out of me. I'm worried that I might get slammed with a false positive or accidentally forget to mention I take it as prescribed. OP's fear is jusyified

#16 I'm going to go ahead and call BS on your comment. I hate to say it, but your mom was probably guilty. The world isn't out to get you. Generally we make our own beds and then we have to lay in them.

The drug isn't even made anymore. It is not sold at any market. Even if it were, considering that she was clean of the drug in the second drug screen, when it would have still shown up had she ACTUALLY taken the drug, I'm going to call bullshit on your unfounded and frankly rude accusations that my mother illegally used a drug. So maybe it wasn't the world out to get her, but apparently a drug screen technician was.

#23 Smoke some weed, calms me right down. I absolutely hated taking ADHD pills, I felt so depressed all the time.

I really hate when people suggest smoking marijuana as a cure-all to disorders. While it does in fact have medical uses that are invaluable, smoking it is one of the worst ways of getting the effects. When you smoke any plant, you are inhaling not only hot ash, but compounds that form tar in the lungs. This tar not only impairs one's breathing ability by clogging the area, but also damages the cells and increases the chance of a harmful cellular mutation occurring- as in cancer. It also isn't a good idea to use it if it is illegal in the location one lives in, or if it is a banned substance at any organization that one is involved in. Add in that marijuana's side effects can be very damaging to people that have genetic predispositions to certain mental or emotional disorders, and it should not be the first thing suggested. Yes, present it as an option (if it is a legal option in the location), but if it is being given for medical purposes, the patient needs to know the risks and side effects involved, and it should not be used both recreationally and medicinally by the same person.

Absolute BS #27 in what way did I say it's a cure-all drug? What I suggested was to smoke some cannabis and chill out. Obviously you have found some reason to disagree with the effects cannabis has for people. There are minor risks involved in smoking cannabis such as panic attacks but are not a threat. And coming from someone who took ADHD medication I prefer weed over Adderall, Concerta or Ritalin. Also, smoking hot ash from a joint, bong or pipe is ridiculous, yes sometimes it can happen but it's not going to effect you.

You are being way over defensive. I gave the same warnings I would have given to anyone being told to consider any more-altering drug. And I said nothing about ASH. The fumes you inhale are what leave the tar and risk heat related damage. I frankly don't give a **** if someone wants to use marijuana for recreational use or medicinal use as long as it doesn't alter their behavior in a way that makes them a danger to themself or others, and they are aware of the risks and side effects. My offense was to cannabis being presented in a way that framed it as having no risks of side effects, which was ridiculous given that the comparison you used was to ADHD medication causing depression, when marijuana can cause depression. As to the 'cure all,' no, you didn't imply it, but nearly every time someone makes a comment about a mental or emotional disorder, someone says "Just smoke some weed, it fixes my -insert disorder-." Cumulatively, the community of cannabis users on FML do seem to give the impression that they think weed can fix any emotional or mental disorder, and users almost never mention any of the side effects or risks. If you are going to present a drug as an option, at least present it honestly by including those.

"do you like narwhals" duh

Just don't let them touch your balls.

Seeing that the op misheard... We will never know.

And THAT reason is supposed to make his boss think he's not high?