Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she's back in mommy's and daddy's bed. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
Put your ****** in front of his face. He'll be terrified thinking it would want to eat him and never cross you again.
SakataGintoki 9
This means war! Get back at him. Whatever he's afraid of, shove it in his face when he's asleep so when he wakes up and has a mini heart attack!
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Comments (82)
Mons_fml 27
Your husband is king!
baref00tmama 15
Your husband sounds like a bully. Who the hell thinks it's "funny" to play on a small child's fears?
grumpybr 13
Some people should not be allowed to procriate. Specially when they are unable to act older than a 5 years old
kishorekumar_a 10
*procreate - Fixed that for you...
grumpybr 13
Dont remember asking. There, fixed your manners for you :)
pmadNess 16
Also, year should not be plural, and you forgot the E in especially. No need to thank me...
tenfiftynine 12
Manners? What were you looking for,"May I please fix your spelling?"
LostByumbers88 5
Aww poor wee thing. To get back at your husband, put something that he's afraid of in front of his face before he wakes up. See how much he likes it. And make sure it's your daughter who does it.
kishorekumar_a 10
Lets not teach the child bullying too...
TheLadyOpal 30
Get her a new bear, give the old bear away and tell her the new one will protect her. And tell your husband that if he pulls the same stunt with the new bear, you'll let your daughter sleep in your room for however long it takes for her to feel better, meaning no hanky-panky for him until then.
pmadNess 16
A new stuffed animal is a great idea, as is the "protector" idea. I would pick another animal rather than a bear, just to assure no new terrors... Withholding sex as a punishment, not too great an idea...
kishorekumar_a 10
Lets hope, she doesn't kick you out and take your place on the bed making you sleep on the couch...
butterflyfx 8
Your husband is a douche.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You should make him sleep in there with her until she's comfortable again because that's BS.
xs4u 13
yeh its ok to get the kid to toughen up... life is far worse than a teddy bear. A couple nights of crying and panicking then she adapts to sleeping alone.. big deal
mattyiscool123 26
I'd demand a refund since teddy bears were never meant to be evil looking