Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

Short fuse

Today, two days after losing my temper with my smart mouthed 7 year-old son and slapping him across the face, I tried to apologize by buying him a treat and telling him if anyone found out, I would get in trouble. Today, I got a call from social services about the "bruise" on his face. FML

Proof

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

Today, I walked into my son's room only to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML