Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML
Today, I opened my blinds to see the front yard littered with trash. My neighbor's cat ripped our trash bags open and smeared them all over the lawn. Since it was my turn to take out the trash this week, my family decided I would be the one cleaning up too. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SweetasCandy0609 28
I think you should get a shovel and leave the crap on her front door.
DocBastard 40
My cat did that to me, but her brain is the size of a large walnut. I have to assume the same about your batshit crazy neighbour.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (42)
SharnaaaBanana 22
...people do some strange things sometimes
HarshD9619 34
Brace yourselves for overused shit related puns.
phaelnb 26
Steaming? Is she THAT hot?
onlychildFTW 34
Poop is pretty hot when it comes out. If you've ever had an accident in your pants you'd know. Trust me. Lol.
PeaceFull 3
Your neighbour is an animal?
Dekat121 24
she certainly acts like one
SweetasCandy0609 28
I think you should get a shovel and leave the crap on her front door.
teyyoshi 19
throw the crap into her face immediately
nevm 12
Pretty sure that would be an assault
Kielnmsoftly 26
Worth it though!
jake_braves 25
Yes, and put it in a paper bag and write "brownies" on it lol.
creativityisnt 19
Well that stinks
Jasper1405 16
that is a really shitty way to start the day.
christina3466 17
Spread it all on her stairs so when she walks down them, she trips on her own shit.
IamHercules 24
Now that is just evil. You should find out what provoked this, you don't want to start a feud do you?
ekim300 26
I dunno, but I'm pretty sure I would notice shit smeared all over my steps before actually using them..
chuka81 27
Well, shit.
ChildrenOfFilth 12
Awww she left you a present.
MrConcise 35
I'd chalk the outline of that poo, because there was a crime today. More specifically, a murder. Let us all take a moment of silence for human decency.