Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a Ziploc bag filled with hair. It was thd mustache I'd been begging him to shave for months. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Top comments
skinthesnakes 6
Did you not "wand" it?
apache316 6
Screw the necklace, I'd take the wand.
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Comments (397)
iceroyalty1984 14
I'll give you a very fancy necklace if you let me date your boyfriend.
JadeWalker 14
lol he did tht on purpose XD im sorry tho fyl
epyk_pryncess 8
That's funny. He apparently has a sense of humor. Happy bday OP. (it's mine as well)
GummyBearX 2
Happy birthday! todays my birthday too
Steve95401 49
#82. Happy Birthday!
brick_man33 14
OP really wanted a lightsaber.
dorkfreaknerd 0
maybe he thinks ur a HP fan
Lanceeden 12
71, or they're part troll.
rhiannon26 0
Pfft. Bit ungrateful.
wittygirl 8
I want a wand. You got an epic boyfriend :D
PsychicToaster 0
Okay you people saying OP is ungrateful are the biggest group of morons I've ever had the misfortune to read from on the Internet. Really? Yes, it was nice of the guy to buy her something, but for god's sake it's a wand! A useless piece of wood(or plastic, or whatever)! What is the OP supposed to do with it? Maybe the guy should've been less of an idiot and thought it through a bit more.
RaquelW 7
Yeah, because buying a necklace takes the critical thinking skills of a genius. If it was a Harry Potter wand, he had to special-order it (and it's not cheap). I'm pretty sure he 'thought it through' and thought it would be a gift she'd enjoy.
blueeyedwolf 10
And how much more useful is a piece of jewelery? It's just a piece of metal and maybe a few stones...
CaptainPickles72 18
Plus she probably wrote this FML before she found out the wand vibrated!
cetlawizard 15
Maybe it's larger around & longer than her bf, so she can be satisfied & reach the places he can't...he probably wanted her to get satisfaction while he's curled up in the fetal position after the bj. The world may never know. :}
wittygirl 8
Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts" such a crab apple about it yeesh