Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a Ziploc bag filled with hair. It was thd mustache I'd been begging him to shave for months. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Top comments
skinthesnakes 6
Did you not "wand" it?
apache316 6
Screw the necklace, I'd take the wand.
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Comments (397)
Takainthemachine 0
Welcome to Hogwarts?:-(
O87LX 0
At least it wasn't a dick in a box, or would you rather have had that
SpruceDread4578 13
No, I'd rather have the dick in a box :)
mickypequi 13
These kind of FMLS are very YDIs. You date a nerd, expect nerdy gifts, ideas, surprises etc. I happen to be a big nerd and would find this very cute. So not an FML at all in my opinion.
brick_man33 14
I wonder if OP's boyfriend yells out "oh yeah hermione" during sex.
darkinners 6
Hogwarts asked me to send you this letter
M0rt 0
It's for you to stick in your chamber of secrets
wittygirl 8
Best comment ever lol
hennessy89 34
Well, are you mad because you didn't choose it on your own? I know how difficult it can be using a wand that doesn't "belong" to you. Mine is 9 1/2inches holly with a strand of unicorn hair. =)
monster_tamer 11
If it was a Harry potter wand, I would have seen it as being better than a necklace. But that's just my personal taste.
RaquelW 7
any asshole can buy you a necklace. that takes very little creativity. he must have really thought you'd like it, I doubt he'd take you to dinner just to let you down! don't be such a goddamn flobberworm.
JhunnySuperman 0
What's a flobberworm?
MooseKnuckle503 11
I got nothing for my birthday you ungrateful bitch.