Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a Ziploc bag filled with hair. It was thd mustache I'd been begging him to shave for months. FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Top comments
skinthesnakes 6
Did you not "wand" it?
apache316 6
Screw the necklace, I'd take the wand.
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Comments (397)
perdix 31
Maybe for Christmas he'll get you a broom, you materialistic rhymes-with-witch!
Zeronos 0
What a magical night. I'm totes jelly.
cherryllollo 7
even better!
roonilwazlib 1
If she doesn't like HP then why would he get her a wand? You should get stuff you like on your birthday. Oh, and #51: I'm 21 and would love to get a wand, or anything HP related, as a gift...
modernbenoni 8
You got a gift that you did nothing in particular to earn, and it wasn't what you thought it was. FYL
guckylynn 19
A gift is called a gift for a reason. You don't "earn" them.
Euphorically 14
Oh please, I'm half asleep and even I can tell that's sarcasm.
ambowew 7
They're obviously under the Confundus charm. I can't think of any other reason to explain their lack of intelligence.
bubo_fml 11
If you play your cards right, you'll get 2 wands on your birthday...One from Ollivander's & one from your putz of a boyfriend...Happy B-day!
sheethapins 13
Expectro neckliamice!
guckylynn 19
You should've written mous because mice just makes me think of the animal. In any case, it makes me think of nuclear mice and that does not sound like a good thing.
sheethapins 13
Hermione? I had no idea you trolled FML. In any case Hagrid is the one with the nuclear mice and Ron told me to spell it that way. Hmm... The clues are coming together, go get Harry.
sjhill 32
harry potter fiend? or does he have a fettish or something?
hellonyancat 6
Oooh! Is it the one that's like a remote for your tv and it changes channels when you wave it? That would be good.