Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML
Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML
Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML
Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML
Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML
Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML
Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML
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Top comments
simplyabsurd 0
I suggest ditching the psycho. A 42" plasma? I certainly hope she's going to buy you a new one. But my guess is she doesn't even have a job. Just because it has legs and talks doesn't mean it's worth dating.
deaditegirl 0
Well, now maybe you can get a girlfriend who is slightly less crazy...
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Comments (376)
alex_vik 1
Break up with the psycho, and sue her. That is, if you don't kill her after destroying her house. I hope you have a calmer temper than I, as she would be dead.
I2OI3 0
TRUST ME BUDDY - THIS IS A VERY, VERY GOOD LESSON YOU JUST LEARNED. YOU DON'T WANT TO ANYWHERE NEAR A GIRLFRIEND THAT WOULD RESORT TO BEHAVIOR LIKE THAT SO QUICKLY - GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS YOU CAN, NEXT TIME IT'LL BE YOUR CAR SHE BASHES UP BECAUSE SHE CAUGHT YOU CHECKING OUT A GIRL AT THE SUPERMARKET, THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT SHE'S GOING LORRAINE BOBBIT ON YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP - AND THAT'S A WHOLE LOT MORE VALUABLE TO YOU THAN A 42 INCH PLASMA MY FRIEND
BaldOuting 0
haha what did your mom's message say? and girlfriend needs anger management classes.
Me27 0
I'd take her to court for sure. I agree with #94.
t_money3711 0
Physco bitch....good song.... and describes your hopefully ex-girlfriend.
redserbouzzie 0
hahahahaha your gf is a freaking moron.
ifv6 0
agreed # 3 and # 5 plan on leaving her, but don't let her know that till she buys u a new tv...
spidermantexas 0
I hope the damage in dollar amounts is lower than 5k.
cossackkid01 0
I've said it before, I'll say it again: If it has a ******, it's probably totally nuts.
Bumlove89 0
Pull a chris brown on her ass! LOL totally kidding.