Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
KikuHonda 3
o__________o what a creep.
FreddyLunch 0
You just got Fritzel'd
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (236)
judy89 0
wtf? either he's the funniest old man ever, or the creepiest...
understory 0
I want to be this guy when I get old.
unhacked21 0
OMG!!! I TOTALLY JUST THOUGHT OF HERBERT THE PERVERT FROM FAMILY GUY!!!!
helpmeiamblind 0
This is one of my favourite FMLs ever! OMG you have to be joking. And yes, I also thought of Herbert.
RaverYusuke 0
Man, this shit happens to me at work almost every day... And I work at a Burger King. >
cottonGIN 0
Wait my grandpa was at a burgerking without me?
coopcake 0
best comment ever
hmnij 0
ohho my god. fyl
Blainers_fml 0
I live in North Dakota.. What town do you live in.. Thats F'd Up
cutiepie87 0
That makes me a sad panda!!
poopinator 0
When I'm old, alone, and waiting to die, I'll aspire to be every bit as weird and pervy as that guy. And wear nice sweaters.