Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML
Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
Today, I went to a casino with $300 to spend and somehow walked out with $21K. When I told my wife, she sighed and moaned about how annoying taxes will be, and how I should have pushed my luck further. The house always wins, even when it loses. FML
Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML
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Top comments
pwnrzero 0
you got the 200 dollars and most money goes through much grosser stuff anyway, without you knowing deal with it, and take it like a a mature human being! [i couldn't say man because i didnt know if you are a man]
untoldfame 3
so, you go to a strip club, looking at the strippers, giving them money, but when they try giving you money you think its gross? maybe you should give it to them in envolopes next time :)
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Comments (150)
meeeep 0
1. where do you think the money goes when they stick it down their pants? and 2. many people are complaining about this when in fact i guarantee over 1/2 of them have had butt sex. you'd stick your dick up there and all that but when it comes to some bills you go crazy? that is completely normal.
illeyad 0
I don't get hw this is bad. However you just summed up why there is so much sickness and diseases around if half our money is ending up between the butt cheeks of *****. Yuck, now I'm scared to handle money, everything goes on debit from now on.
lyssalicious 0
this is just a slight picture of the stuff that practically all bills come in contact with. and think about it- what are two of the biggest industries?? sex and drugs...so chances are, most of your money has been places you don't want to think about ;)
NoMercy_fml 0
Dual Prize. Money and A Life Supply of STDs. Enjoy!
dips200 0
Fantastic. Congrats.
ohdamn_fml 2
Boo hoo I won $200 of stripper-ass money, fml. Jerk.
menelie 0
But hey, 200 bucks.
suaveneanderthal 0
lol he told you to pick carefully so you could actually pick the ones that had been through the butt-cracks right? those are the ones i'd be goin for!
fmljw 2
this is why i always wash my hands after handling money :P you don't know where it has been!
shambot 0
Honestly, probably a good chunk of the currency out there has been through a strip club. good fml though haha FYL. And #73 is an irrational piece of sugar.