Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML
Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
Today, I went to a casino with $300 to spend and somehow walked out with $21K. When I told my wife, she sighed and moaned about how annoying taxes will be, and how I should have pushed my luck further. The house always wins, even when it loses. FML
Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML
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Top comments
pwnrzero 0
you got the 200 dollars and most money goes through much grosser stuff anyway, without you knowing deal with it, and take it like a a mature human being! [i couldn't say man because i didnt know if you are a man]
untoldfame 3
so, you go to a strip club, looking at the strippers, giving them money, but when they try giving you money you think its gross? maybe you should give it to them in envolopes next time :)
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Comments (150)
bballman3113 0
haha
1234five 0
Wouldn't a guy like that..?
threegp 0
HAHAHA, no wonder you are a stripper! You can barely piece together a sentence.
alwaysalady 0
Wow. Dirty money, for real.
ful_fml 0
"Today, I won $200 and got a good joke, too. FML"... You poor thing, you...
YLS 0
"I won money, but I'm grossed out by it because I actually know for certain where it's been, FML?" I'm sure half the bills and coins in your wallet aren't precisely pristine. I'm sure they've been exposed to all sorts of germs, dirt, etc. from being touched by thousands of people, being dropped on the ground, etc. Just because you know for a fact that some of those bills were against someone's body (probably a cleaner area than their hands, too) makes them somehow dirtier than any other bill? I can understand the "eeewww" but Jesus Christ, you got free money. Don't bitch, especially with the economy going the way it is.
AmpulexCompressa 0
"Oh no, I just won $200, waaaah! Waaaaah!"
blehargh 0
How is free money an FML? Also... If you're a guy, shouldn't you be happy? If you're a lesbian, shouldn't you be happy? If you're a straight woman, what the **** are you doing in a strip club?
schmoond 0
oh my gosh, the other day my friends and i were just wondering about how many normal dollar bills went through strippers.
spacer_ 0
whiners are weiners. Take the two hundred dollars, put it in a bank, you idiot. It's not like you have to touch them.