Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML
Today, I got drunk and spewed all over my lounge room floor. My dog ate it up, also got drunk, and also eventually spewed on the floor too. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
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Top comments
Muffinish 0
you deserve it for getting shitfaced.
BeeSkwaird 0
"Two of our other friend's boyfriends" and "two of our other friends' boyfriends": huge difference.
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Comments (157)
xxnotstephencolb 0
shut the **** up 'snickerdoodles' I can tell you have no life and no friends by that ****** comment and I feel for you, shit happens tho=/
PomBread 0
was the dog a good kisser?
Giorgio272 2
yeah your the idiot for getting so drunk. learn to control your booze FFS. I hope all the alchahol you consume destroys your brain (even more than it currently is) and makes it so you can't have babbies.
sosadrightnow 4
Does anyone else think of Lady Gaga when they mentioned kissing the dog.
ipwnallmen 10
54. no. why would we. what does she got to do with this? Oo is there a dream you wanna tell us about? :)
buttshapedfruit 0
drunk, sloppy, **** :)
Domonator 16
OP, did you get the dog's phone number?
CallMeHush 1
Did the dog give you cab fare or did he just turn you out like all the others? Oh ya, you did wake up with your pants on right? So it is safe to assume you didn't pull a train with 4 guys and a dog right? No? Awww come on, that is ******* gross!
Phynix 0
that sucks, but u rly shouldnt drink so much. not only do u do stupid embarrassing things, but ur also killing ur liver.
aback 5
I don't think that alcohol is going to enhance your life.
cheerinsaige 0
yeaa..... ur kinda weird