Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
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Top comments
gogo44444 28
You should get a restraining order on yourself
ExtremeEncounter 32
More like beat up by the doormat.
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Comments (41)
abhig 14
Get a bodyguard that will protect you from you
samwilliams800 28
YDI, dumbass.
tbro47 23
I'm going to have to say YDI on this one on the basis that you have to know your limit. If you get so drunk that you can't even remember what you did, then that means you're not exactly in control of yourself and that can be dangerous. Learn your limit.
False_Stupidity 42
And you can only know your limit by drinking until you have passed your limit. What if this was OP's first heavy drinking session?
tbro47 23
Even if it was his first heavy drinking session it's not hard to tell when you move from the lightly buzzed stage to the intoxicated stage. A big giveaway is when you stop tasting the alcohol. Also if you're talking and your speech starts slurring or you're having trouble seeing straight or walking straight. It's a progression of events but they are noticeable unless he got drunk from one or two drinks, there would have been warning signs.
_kyleG_ 34
Drunk you must hate sober you
_kyleG_ 34
And sober you just REALLY hate drunk you
kennethlwinter 3
YDI for trying to fight drunk. Know your limits next time.
Dawnoftime 12
Congratulations, you just played yourself.
DeathofCareBear 21
Congratulations you lost a fight against an inanimate object.
w0lfie1221 9
At least you didn't try dancing right?
DeadxManxWalking 27
what's the purpose of getting shitfaced?
Magnoxidans 19
People who get drunk and physically aggressive deserve what's coming to them. OP should learn to be able to go out and not fight, very easily could get in a situation way over your head and have things like this happen.