Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML
Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML
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Top comments
derangedplanet 23
And the sibling rivalry starts.
clevergirl98 20
Hopefully you didn't have to clean up that mess to..
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Comments (45)
Attacksloth 33
If you want to have kids at some point, this is good practice. Even if you don't want kids, if you ever babysit a kid, it's good to have an iron gut. Because, let's face it, kids are bloody disgusting.
marcranger 29
This is a pretty good reason not to babysit, either. Babies are pretty much just barely contained sacks of smelly fluids, which is why I flat-out refuse to spend any time with my cousin's kid.
sorenipples 9
I agree. My daughter is 3 months old and I can't count the amount of times I've had shit, piss, and puke on me. Babies are disgusting little creatures .
WCARlover 35
I don't blame you if I even hear the sound of someone throwing up it makes me nauseous..let alone being thrown up on :/
kyiomi 18
Uhm? It's just baby puke. Your sister's puke. Don't be such a crybaby about it.. This isn't a FYL, this is a FHL for having a sister who can't handle a little of her puke.
liv1222 29
Uhm, what? She freaking puked IN HER MOUTH for gods sake that's disgustig no matter what age. It's food that's been digested in her stomach. Then in op's mouth I'd like to see you have puke in your mouth.
Aalejandro77 12
A few weeks ago I was carrying my 1 year old nephew around a shopping centre, one minute he was laughing and playing, the next minute he threw up all over me. I had to drive 20 minutes home in a puke covered top. It was disgusting.
Nona__xD 8
That's why I always ask if they burped after eating ?
OysterPearls 33
My brother spit up so frequently as a baby that even burping him didn't prevent it 100% of the time. Some advice to OP: Always have a burp cloth/towel on hand!
Nona__xD 8
yeah that's another thing that I keep aware of, always put a towel on your shoulder. xD
ChaiseT 16
That's stomach turning to read.
koganti 18
It's not uncommon. especially, in case of small babies. I don't see any fyl situation there.
myeviltwin 20
That is just one of the reasons I will NEVER hold a baby. Seriously I am so phobic of babies it's not even funny. I mean besides the ever present danger of being puked, peed or shat on by one of these little germ factory monsters, I am also worried about either holding them too tight and breaking something or not tight enough and they will wiggle out and fall and break something. And don't even get me started on their ear piercing shrieks which are the aural equivalent of having 16d framing nails driven into your skull.
marcranger 29
20, I think you are my male evil twin. Those are also my reasons for putting my hands up and backing away slowly whenever someone tries to thrust a baby at me. Yuck.
Mamabird21 4
@20, maybe i just got lucky but my baby doesnt ever scream, puke, or well anything related to baby things lol. not all of them are as bad as you stated. though i totally understand the part about breaking them lol
Calingaladha 21
That's not even real puke, it's just regurgitation. Not the worst substance a baby can produce.
itwasntme14 19
What did you expect? I know you didn't know the baby had just ate but all little babies do is puke and poop. You should always be ready for either to happen.