Today, my brother managed to correctly guess I’d lost my virginity. Apparently I was limping slightly, so he guessed I had a sore crotch and obviously must've popped my cherry. He was right, but I wish he hadn’t blurted it out in front of mom, who is religious and judgemental as hell. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year-old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML
Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML
Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML
Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year-old virgin. FML
Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML
Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
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Top comments
metroido 21
he got all that from you limping? wow, jump to conclusions much??
RichardPencil 32
Now you should get a tattoo, y'know, seeing that you're a ***** now.
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Now you should get a tattoo, y'know, seeing that you're a ***** now.
metroido 21
he got all that from you limping? wow, jump to conclusions much??
no0ne0890 29
I think it depends on how they are limping no? we as humans try to avoid the pain as much as possible so if the pain is at the ball of your foot then you will limp a certain way to try to avoid it touching the ground etc. I imagine if you stare at a person long enough you can infer a number of things correctly.
diraven 15
I'm pretty sure if you limp after sex you're doing it wrong. Unless you're like 80 years old then you're doing it very right..
metroido 21
I’m in my 20’s and every single time I’ve had sex, I’ve used numbing lube and it was always so painful I wouldn’t be able to even WALK afterwards, even with a limp (I even had sex with a 2 inch dude and it STILL hurt like that...)