Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML
Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took three hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML
Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML
Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML
Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML
Today, after buying over $300 worth of food and alcohol, I found out all my friends aren't coming to my New Years party but headed to the BIG party at the local club. The one which I sold my ticket to after my friends convinced me to throw a party instead. FML
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Top comments
musicislife1995_fml 0
lol you drink so much you had to lie to a cashier!
cerebellum_fml 0
PARTY AT HER HOUSE
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Comments (73)
Tonys_kitten6 0
stop being a little bitch, get over it, and don't post such a pathetic fml, or just stop drinking and get life.
nm22395 0
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... so what? You fail. At everything.
jebusandme 1
FYL for lieing, but really, why say you're at a dinner party? just be honest and say "I'm a tank when it comes to drinking" =D
ColdGold 6
I suppose the cashiers have to strike up personal conversations to make themselves feel like they are friendly. Most of the time they broadcast their ignorance. Cheers. (don't drink and drive.)
JohntheBaptist 0
Oh the splendors of alcoholism! its ok we've all been there look up a local AA meeting if your unhappy with or lying about your drinking... just a suggestion XP
t_fangz 0
lmao. okay? so fyl for lying?
cass454 0
that's sick like yeah cool but your diising yourself dipshit! like **** get a lifer your retarded ducked up need councelling and probably won't me ******* anyone like me any time in yur life so hope you hve fun bitch
LinseyMarie 0
wow your cool..?
beef_weezle 13
It sucks to have a dependency. Hope you get well, brother.
xXGIR6Xx 4
been there=