Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML
Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took three hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML
Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML
Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML
Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML
Today, after buying over $300 worth of food and alcohol, I found out all my friends aren't coming to my New Years party but headed to the BIG party at the local club. The one which I sold my ticket to after my friends convinced me to throw a party instead. FML
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Top comments
musicislife1995_fml 0
lol you drink so much you had to lie to a cashier!
cerebellum_fml 0
PARTY AT HER HOUSE
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Comments (73)
xxxNataliexxx 0
Lol epic win just to get booze
KarelessKitten 0
a lot of ppl suffer from alcoholism. it really is a FML b/c u become addicted. u need it every day, every night. it's become a part of your life. this is the only FML I agree with. i sympathize. it runs in my family.
zuli_fml 0
OP, if you read this, please get help, and please follow through with that help. Get yourself committed if necessary. I've seen how alcoholism can tear apart a family, because one of my relatives is so much of an alcoholic that she'll go for things such as mouthwash, cooking extracts, and even rubbing alcohol. She nearly died a few months ago by poisoning herself and ultimately drinking herself into a coma, complete with liver failure and renal (kidney) failure. Please, please get help.
okadaj 0
sounds like you need a drink,
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
children under 4 shouldn't drink
girlygirl666 0
Why not?
TheAverageLife 0
I can't even begin to describe how much I along with many other people would not want to socialize with you.
peacockfeather 0
So can I come over?:)
Yatta_fml 0
I can't believe the number of prudes that reply to anything involving drinking. Most teens and young adults get wasted at least a few times... maybe even more often than a few times. It's what people do. The OP doesn't state "I do this every weekend" so I see no problem, yet everyone jumps to "get help!!" without any information besides that the OP is - oh my GOD - drinking. For all we know, the first time.
waterynuggets 0
The point ---------> Your head ---->
HaveNoShame 3
Except that the OP is the one saying, Hey everyone, here's a story that illustrates how my life is F-ed up. Also, I think part of the OP's point is that she's showing one of the well-known signs of problem drinking: lying about drinking. Doesn't necessarily mean that she does have a problem, but if you do drink (as I do, too), you're not wise to ignore doing them.
MoobyTheCow 2
Yatta, the OP's comment alone gives about a 25% chance of becoming an alcoholic. If we had the rest of the CAGE history I'm betting it'd be even higher.
Nakedsquirrel 5
At least you buy junk to drink at your house and not go to bars where you'd potentially make an ass of yourself. My sister is both an alcoholic and extremely obnnoxious and touchy-feely, etc (more than usual) when drunk, to the point that people have given her money for cab fares just to make her leave.
benshady 0
call it what you want to call it you're a ****** alcoholic
rlet 1
I think everybody is saying "get help" bcuz usually for the cashier to comment on something it is bcuz u r buying a LOT so if the OP is drinking that much alone there is a drinking problem or a big red flag for alcohol poisoning which in the case of happening being alone u can die
Peroxide 3
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of lifes problems. Cheers! Now where did I put my pants...oh, they're in that tree over there. That gives me an idea, a tree that grows pants, PATENT PENDING!
flinga 0
after watching one of my best friends have a grand mal seizure from kidney failure, I'm gonna say now- find someone now, OP- before it's too late! there are many many others like you, and you'll find a bond with them like no other!