Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I felt so awful in my belly, I went to a massage therapist for help. She, like me, thought it was the stress of some recent family issues. It was more than that. Her kneading of my gut indeed relieved me by helping me have a HUGE go. One scream and a four foot turd later, I realized I'd been constipated. No longer. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I hate to break it to you, butt you didn’t go to a health clinic. That was just a front for an assplay scat-fetish dungeon. They’re nuts about butts!
westoz 24
Laxatives and enemas for muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib...did they prescribe you a dose of leeches too? How did they possibly convince you laxatives and an enema would help you? “Hmm muscle spasms and a possibly cracked rib you say? Well, did you know a back up of poop is one of the leading causes of these issues? *snaps on the gloves* this won’t hurt a bit”
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Comments (16)
A Frenchy in Eire 31
"Then I still had to return to work". Didn't need to check the country to know it'd be the US.
Chris Ratliff Jr. 8
Why? What you went in there for had nothing to due with you're butt from the sounds of it so why? Big question is why you let them.....
Max Moment 4
Who needs enemas with friends like these?
sarahcroy20 12
What the hell kind of clinic did you go to? That doesn't sound normal at all.