Panic! At the Costco

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

Shit for brains

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

Covid nostalgia

Today, I have to use toilet paper as a substitute for Kleenex, because I have a nasty cold and ran out. We're also snowed in where I live, so I currently can't go to the store to get some more. I think I now understand why people were hoarding this stuff. FML

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

We've all done it

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. I moved in a couple of bags and realized I really needed to poop. It’s been 10 minutes since I realized I hadn’t brought the toilet paper in yet. No one to bring me any. FML