Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
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Top comments
DivakiddOsz 5
ohh ;) Spanish food is the best .
hidingout777 0
Just walk away like nothing happened...
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Comments (230)
ninjaicekitten 0
Ahhh so did u unclog it?
mycookiezz 0
Beans Beans the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you... nah, that's lames. As far as unclogging a toilet without a plunger, I honestly have no suggestions, sorry bro :/
absolutegrrr 7
pretty useless comment then really...
tweetypie 18
isn't it the "musical food" ?
mycookiezz 0
lol, it may be, haven't heard it in at least 10 years or so
hahafylop 4
Magical fruit. Musical food doesn't really rhyme. Unless there is a version I haven't heard.... Probably the latter.
hahafylop 4
Magical fruit. Musical food doesn't really rhyme. Unless there is a version I haven't heard.... Probably the latter.
Garyy_fml 11
Isn't the bean a starch?
proxxX069069 7
I tried this type of soup with chicken and white little balls that I think were some type of bean? - I was in the washroom for a good 2 1/2 hrs. lol
ambeeelove 0
that's menudo
partyfool2011 4
the "bean" you are thinking of is posole and it wasn't chicken, it's cow stomach.
alex6946 10
oooh, that sound good! the food not the poop D:
Lstands4LOSER 0
Yumm..
Xmarshall16X 5
To prove your a man, you must unclog it with your hand(it rhymes get it :D)
JJdaBAMF 0
no it doesn't
Awsumuzzie 12
It rhymes! If you're illiterate and deaf .
moto51 0
this guy is stupid^ it definitely does rhythm
Karlos7692 2
Rhyming means the ending of a word sounds phonetically the same. "An" in man does not sound like "and" in hand, unless the d was silent which it's not.
Yournamehere42 7
Ever heard of internal rhyme? Yeah, it doesn't have to be EXACTLY the same.
zbajis 7
depends on your dialect. like some people some people say wahder not water. so I guess some people say han not hand.
Karlos7692 2
Internal rhyme means rhyming within a single line of a verse. This means it has to rhyme first, which means the repetition of sounds of the ending of a word.(The ending is the part after the stem of a word) Thus your statement is wrong
Karlos7692 2
Thank you, someone able to give a reasonable response without resorting to pettiness. Thumbs up, I guess we learn something knew every day. ok well it's not perfect rhyme then it is soft rhyme.
sarahkatt 0
I can't even name 6 types of beans. 12 different kinds of beans...must have been brutal.
SteelCladAngel 0
green beans wax beans dark red kidney beans light red kidney beans pinto beans black beans navy beans Lima beans .....that's all I can think of without googling it
DKjazz 20
Soy beans Vanilla beans ... Ew.
selbow 3
coffee beans baked beans white berlotti beans canelini beans (if that's how you spell them)
WiderWille 11
magic beans bertie botts beans kidney beans
jeniluvswaffles 0
this comment made me laugh (:
sxcthaigirl 6
aww:( you poor thing! I hope it's worth it though and that you can look back at this day and laugh with her/possibly your family. I mean stuff like this happens so they should be understanding!
DylanVermette 0
hey:) what's your e-mail could we talk sometime
mintcar 10
You're gonna have to come out eventually. Shamefully walk out the bathroom and tell your girlfriend what happened. You're kinda ******. FYL. :/
LexxyLiime 0
I know this isn't relevant but you're really pretty. lol I'll probably get like 20 thumbs down ._.
IamMiguelco 0
sucks amigo