Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
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Top comments
FerrariCake 2
You must be pretty hot if you can spontaneously turn a guy into an animal.
FerrariCake 2
Of course it is possible he just always makes animal noises and it has nothing to do with you. It's also possible he was really talking to his food when he said it was "scrumptious". You might be giving yourself way too much credit here.
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Comments (49)
loveisflawed 0
******* americans. it's a compliment.
coliecole111 0
Alright kiddies, let's settle down. I do not understand why people have to get into fights with people just because they are Americans. Yes, it was ignorant of her to not know that it was a compliment, and should have atleast asked, but still, that does not have anything to do with being American. And, yes, there are A LOT of....non-intellectual people here in America, but if you assume things like all Americans are stupid, then you make yourselves look just as ignorant as the OP in the first place. -_-
Fontario4 2
That's hilarious, i'd join in with him.
yankfan89 27
Who doesn't do that? When I'm out on a date I make the sound of a dying giraffe.
xXobnoxiousXx 3
take what you can get lol
409sPoisonGirl 12
Are you sure you weren't on a date with Nigel Thornberry? "Smashing!"
Laura3415 16
They're all actors, I'm an actor, those are hidden cameras and you're on MTV's disaster date!
lauchmin13 3
I believe he may have been referencing the movie dark crystal
Elisabetha Aarron 18
Why did you stay? I would've told them to stop, if they didn't leave