Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML
Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said, "There's my daughter…" He then turned it to me and said "…and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented, "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML
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Top comments
DarthFurby 0
you were STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY and you couldn't see that it was a real person? YDI
Jasper_fml 0
you deserved it, ********.
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Comments (139)
wendychi 0
Wait. Dummy as in like, mannequin, right? Because I've found that dummies are usually pretty average looking and not fat. o_O So uh. YDI.
Asia_Aneka 0
Was the daughter not moving at all or did her mother chain her down cause she's an ugly she-beast? Dummies usually don't move and kids don't usually sit still. I can't see why you didn't notice that. She should've backed over you in her driveway.
lostathome 0
Hilarious.
that_funny_girl 0
Lol I agree with number with #75! Why would she have a dummy in her car anyway?? And as other people have pointed out, how could you not have known she has a kid?
the20001ththing 0
PLEASE, tell me the punchline to the start of that hilarious joke you were about to make.
patray_angel 0
Why would you say something like that had there been an actual dummy in the car and not a real person? Maybe the "dummy" belonged to her grandma who had just died or something..either way, it could have had a lot of sentimental value. Like all the others, I honestly don't get how you couldn't tell that the "dummy" in the car was a real person. Even if her daughter was an infant or toddler who was sound asleep in their carseat, the fact that they were in a carseat would have also been a clue that they were not a dummy.
Iloveblackmen 0
LMFAO
LittleMel4 0
you...mistook a dummy for a human? wow.....
synnerr 0
Who would she have a dummy in their car...?
skiz_fml 0
your observation skills astound me