Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML
Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said, "There's my daughter…" He then turned it to me and said "…and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented, "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML
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Top comments
DarthFurby 0
you were STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY and you couldn't see that it was a real person? YDI
Jasper_fml 0
you deserved it, ********.
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Comments (139)
Jasper_fml 0
you deserved it, ********.
sophiem4861 0
hahahaha! thanks so much, your failure just made my day :)
killerweakness 0
Must of been a hideous child
mattmadden 0
I haven't laughed at an FML in such a long time. Thank you OP for making my day.
MissPunchYouOut 5
LOL fail. Better than it being a actual dead body n ur neighbor being q phsyo path. Rite.
DarthFurby 0
you were STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY and you couldn't see that it was a real person? YDI
z_vet 0
Agree with #1.
Jimboom 12
Dumbass. I agree with all the previous posts. Tear your eyes away from her rack for a second and notice the world around you. You may notice a dick on your forehead.
Frankinatore98 0
Lol @5
noclevername 0
How long have you been neighbours? Have you been so busy checking her out that you failed to notice the other people living in her house?
ScottyD620 0
lol she shoulda answered something like this "From somewhere you aren't ever gonna be"
george456 0
#7 win
Duckie101 0
why do all these FMLs refer to the opposite sex as "hot/sexy" and "the most beautiful girl/boy in school"? where are all these attractive people and why cant I find them??
123sploosh 0
true that, true that
MicMic_fml 7
I just found one..
suckylifey 0
wow. you're a douchebag!
J_a_s_m_i_n_e 0
I agree with.... Everyone, you douchebag!
Eresbel 0
#8, maybe you're not paying attention? I see plenty of attractive people (though I'm sure the people who say "hottest in the room" are exaggerating for storytelling purposes). YDI for not being able to tell the difference between a doll and a human.