Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML
Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said, "There's my daughter…" He then turned it to me and said "…and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented, "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML
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Top comments
DarthFurby 0
you were STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY and you couldn't see that it was a real person? YDI
Jasper_fml 0
you deserved it, ********.
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Comments (139)
Kx09 0
woooow, I agree with #4. that was jerky.... also, you just described her mother as 'hot' & you thought her daughter was dummy?
quantumoftruth 0
so how olds the daughter? seems you blew it with your neighbour, consolation prize is in order
dancercuity922 0
r u retarded?....seriously
xxwilkywayxx 0
Today, I was sitting in the car, looking at my mother talking to the annoying neighbor kid. He looked at me and then back at my mother and said, "Where did you get that awful thing." My mother replied, "That is my daughter." I was just called an awful "thing." Apparently, I am not even human anymore. FML
z0mbie_9ine 0
I feel bad for laughing at this.
xobarbienickkxo 4
I dont
56578 0
I guess you're the dummy...
ncvolley123 8
totes
asxp10 0
As said in some other FMLs, anyone notice that there are so many FMLs with "Today, I tried to flirt with someone and made a jackass comment about someone/thing trying to be cool. It turns out they were related/it was theirs. FML" You totally deserved it douche bag.
scp327 0
good nob numbnuts. who the **** has a dummy sitting in thier car? now your an asshole and a ******* moron. think about things before you say stupid retarded ass comments
pheebs314 17
My neighbor keeps a dummy of an old woman in the backseat of his show car so he can pretend to chauffeur it around...
TryToBeKind 0
If you don't know, it's better not to ask in the first place. You could have said, "who's taht?" and if she replied w a name/ID of a real person, you're fine. If she said, "It's not even a person, it's a dummy" you could have saved yourself by replying, "Hey, dummies have feelings too!" and played it off like you were kidding. But really? That's her fault for letting her daughter be that ugly anyway. Daughter is likely getting picked on in school for it and needs to learn that *gasp* she should not be ugly if she doesn't want that problem. SHE deserved it (the mom), not you.
jackwilliams 9
How the **** do you make someone un ugly because if you know please give me a call
nicholasj96 9
Lmao, you're hilarious .
Wileypube 0
Why was dummy the logical assumption? Did you just figure she had it in order to use the carpool lane?
iSocket 0
#8 - beauty is in the eye of the beholder.