Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML
Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
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Top comments
inkdeath87 18
Call animal control. But FYL.
maggiefox 25
Sounds like you got a new pet...
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Comments (83)
inkdeath87 18
Call animal control. But FYL.
mohamed_H 21
Yeah dude i was the cat that jumped over OP it was hilarious!
WompWompWomp123 7
#20, just stop it.
HKCgrimmjow 15
#20... Have you not learned your lesson yet? Every time you say "yeah I was the cat that" you get severely berated and down voted. Could be a good time to take a hint...
mohamed_H 21
Here eat a piece of my "i don't care" pizza
greeneyebeauty9 28
Yes, until then invest in a cat box or something. when my new kitten was hiding he came out to the smell of fresh kitty litter. It may work.
iCherryPanda 12
Is no one going to suggest NARNIA??
maggiefox 25
Sounds like you got a new pet...
ElementaryEdGuy 18
One day my grandma opened her front door, and a cat ran in. She won't leave. My grandma well let her stay in for a little while, but then she'll put her outside for her to go home. She just stays on the porch until she opens the door again.
Artures_way1 23
Keep it!
purplenerple8 6
Ninja cat strikes again
RLG4 20
Get yourself a dog to find the cat!
Sir_ND_Pity 35
4 — And then she should get a goat! She got the goat to catch the dog... She got the dog to catch the cat... She got the cat to catch the bird... She got the bird to catch the spider... That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. But I dunno why she swallowed that fly Perhaps she'll die.
Bano360 25
The one I read my sisters is, cow to catch the dog.
gabagabaheyu 10
what a nice ending to a children's story
CarbonCoach 11
Try catnip maybe? Then kill it with fire.
Welshite 40
Burning a stoned cat? You're all sorts of evil. At least give him a bowl of milk first.
RojerRamjet 3
So it can shit itself as well when u kill it?
xSkittle 16
Hey, free cat!
bioss89 16
You do now! Sorry for your face though.
hellbilly205 17
Cats are like ninja's, when you least expect it they attack.
anonymous_kenie 7
Don't be such a pussy.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
All I ask is for one FML without this pun.
Soulsbane96_fml 11
Good luck with that 17. The FML community enjoys puns, especially juvenile ones.
yeti37 16
Hey, don't put us all in the same cat-egory...
Sports_guy3 28
#17- too late.
You_Screwed_Up 7
Congrats on the new addition to your family. You're stuck with it now!