Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML
Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend “accidentally” spilled a cup of hot tea on my lap at the dinner table. I had to get treated for second degree burns, because the skin on my lap was heavily saturated with the stuff. Apparently, he’s still mad at me for buying a male coworker a present for his birthday. FML
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
Today, my coworker and I were written up after we dropped a glass table, which shattered and left us with big cuts on our hands and arms. We weren’t written up for breaking the piece, but because a nearby customer heard us both swear in pain and reported us. FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cakefete2 31
This is where you slap him just hard enough and say, "your face should not have been there".
idk_rose 25
Use his hand as a coaster for next morning's hot coffee.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (25)
RememberSchlitz 9
Reason #23,751 why smoking is nothing but stupid.
KitKat20_fml 20
I would have back handed him with the same hand he burned. Little prick needs to learn some manners.
RinoaHeartilly 36
The ****** shouldn't been putting a cigarette out on the table!
TopKek21699 4
well your hand shouldn't have been there, he's absolutely right.
Dark_Cecilia 20
Don't most places forbid smoking inside?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
"Accidentally" kick him and say, "Your foot shouldn't have been there."
AspieGirl88 7
Try putting salt in his coffee (instead of sugar) next time he has a cup. Or better yet, swap the coffee-granules for gravy-granules (complete with milk, hot water & sugar)! LOL. I (accidentally) made one of those for my older sister when I was 9; I'm now 29 & she still retches violently when I talk about it! XD
JudgeComrade 17
So, he just used you as an ashtray and you gave him "Thank you Master" before whining to strangers online. Good arrangement.
ProperPengTing 15
Next time he's smoking, take it out his mouth/hand and burn his face. Then say, your face should've been there. Guarantee he'll stop smoking. At least around you, lol.
justinb97 16
What an asshole