Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
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Top comments
Monjara 4
Lmao he's jealous of a vibrator.
llamafish 25
I hope you used protection. Wouldn't want to get hearing AIDS ;)
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Comments (230)
CharliesCool2084 8
There's no pleasing some people.
PrimeStarscream 30
He must really suck at sex.
olpally 33
Way to jump to a pretty stupid conclusion... He was probably mad he wasn't getting laid...
Doxy 22
And the flashlights cheat on OP's boyfriend with OP's vibrator.
iHateHippiesToo 6
@20 That's a good idea... Outsource the foreplay...
SkoomaKi 28
Here's a scary story fellow FML'ers: A man walks into a hotel and goes to reception. He asks for a room, he hands over the requested amount of money and is about to take the key when the receptionist says "Before you go, do not try to get inside the room with no number on the door". Staring curiously the man agreed and went to his room. After not being able to sleep he quietly exited his room and creeped over to the numberless door. He bent down and looked through the keyhole. All be saw was a pale white woman with her head facing the wall. He wanted to knock but decided against it. The next night he went back to the door and looked through the keyhole again. But all he saw was red. He thought that the staff had covered the keyhole, the next morning he went to repetition and handed over his key. The reception asked "you looked though the keyhole didn't you?" he replied "yes, but the second time it was only red". The receptionist then said "well I suppose I should tell you, a man murdered his wife in that room. The ghost is white all over but has pure red eyes".
SkoomaKi 28
Oh my god, wrong FML..... Anyways enjoy it ;)
iknowimawesome 13
And this pertains to the FML how...? EDIT: Ohhhhh okay :)
SkoomaKi 28
It doesn't. I replied to the wrong FML.... Alan/Sirin can you somehow copy this comment to the other FML with the little boy?
mvems 13
I once dated a guy who had problems with my vibrator. It was my first one I bought and before I even got it home he stole it from me (not kidding) and eventually, like 2 months later I found it at his house. Personification and perceived threat of a vibator my friends. Not cute.
Danielt104 6
He probably stole it because he wanted to use it on himself..
mvems 13
Everyone loves a good back massage
eman1972 4
I think all women should have vibrators. It allows them to explore their sexuality.
uumlaut_strohson 3
sounds like he has penis envy
Rubi_562 13
xD
Riley97 0
Jealous much?
eman1972 4
Hey needs to grow up, I think that's sexy! However he could be insecure about his junk.
SCBeauty1983 0
;-)