Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML
Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML
Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching TV. He gets up at one point and turns the light off, so I asked him why. He replied, "You look better in the dark." FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML
Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML
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Top comments
ButtFaceFace 1
Having sex with strangers is also a great way to get STDs.
rathalosrocker 0
dont call her a *****, a girl is a ***** for ******* a lot of guys but a man is cool and a playa for ******* lots of girls, which doesnt make sense, just leave her alone
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Comments (51)
musical_rina 0
you're not a *****, you're a ****. you weren't getting paid -_- and men are ***** too, and either way you're disgusting if you're just swapping bodily fluids with whoever the hell you want. aaaand, be glad he went through with it, ugly.
maddog_fml 0
Hahahaha! Nice one!. Next time, shave it and clean it.
BetsySnow 0
There are some bitter people on this site!
snkybstrd 0
One night stand? Deserved it
Feel_It 0
In all seriousness, maybe you need to clean up the back yard. You could have had something er... hanging. :X
jsmith1199 4
you're probably ass ugly so you're desperate for sex, and you seize the few opportunities that come your way. since your're so ugly he wanted you to turn around so he didnt have to look at your disgusting face, but then he noticed your saggy ass so he had you turn off the lights. good thing he didnt notice your craps infested bush. and #5, if she had any self respect, she wouldnt have even had a one night stand in the first place.
jsmith1199 4
i love these comments.. now let me help explain this to everyone 1. Yes, she IS a *****. It doesn't matter that she only had one 1 night stand, the fact is that it happened. That's disgusting no matter how many times it happened. 2. It doesn't matter what sex she is. Anyone who has a one night stand is ****** up in several ways. The only difference is, there's more fun words to make fun of a girl, so I only comment when a girl is being a *****. These words include but aren't limited to: *****, ****, ho, and you can add "bag" to the end of any of these to make them sound even better :-D 3. In the extremely rare case that you actually end up with someone, instead of just having one nights stands, you should probably clean up whatever's wrong with you. In this case it seems like everything. I would suggest a bag, but apparently your ass is ****** up too. You're what we call a double bagger.. That's when the guy puts a bag over your head, and then another one over his head in case yours rips. Hopefully I cleared that up for everyone. Stupid *****
Shalalalalala 0
Nothing that begins with 'Today, I was having a one night stand' deserves any sympathy. LOL at 42 though.
jsmith1199 4
#43.... #42 was quoting what i said.. unfortunately it got moderated :-(
leighandnaomi 0
and that, is why you don't do one night stands, genius.