Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was seeing my boyfriend for the first time in 3 weeks. I was so excited to see him that I gave him a big hug. He must have been excited to see me too, because he hugged me so tight that he squeezed a fart out of me. FML
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend ever wants to hug me is just after he's let off a fart and wants to pull me into it. FML
Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML
Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for two years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
He is going to make a vow to never wash that hand again.
FiestaInMyPants 8
He took your breath away, but from the wrong end..
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Comments (266)
iAmScrubs 19
He is going to make a vow to never wash that hand again.
rallets 23
you pretty much blew your chance
blanquito 1
^blew her chance right into his hands
TheresNoEffingwa 7
20- I see what you did there
kendallhi 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
smooth... bet he loved to feel your warm, wet, fart
Bobissmall 13
It's situations like these that you should play dead. Or at least pretend to faint or something. That would explain why you couldn't control the fart, and he'd forget all about it while checking you're ok.
enonymous 9
Men are always bring compared to dogs. That wet raunchy fart is now forever imbedded in his hand and he can find you anywhere... well played
purplepizza21 0
one word: HOT
baddud300 6
at least it wasn't a shard?
ScaughtieHolden 11
Uhm, 43, why would her fart be wet? She didn't type "shart" you know.
lalala2589 0
76: Yeah good thing shards weren't coming out of her ass. Sheesh, you'd think someone would know the difference between shard and shady by your age.
coffeygirl12 14
that blows
The_Weirdo 10
You never know op, there are some people with fetishes for things like that.
tzuriel11 9
it must have been a pretty powerful fart for him to be able to feel it lol
tripleshame 3
The best part is op's name, couldntholdit lolol
tzuriel11 9
^^ hahahaahh omg i barely noticed!! thats soo funny!!
tzuriel11 9
^^ hahahaahh omg i barely noticed!! thats soo funny!!
ryno101 3
i would have given it back to her as a 'cupcake'... farts are hell funny last I checked, if he is any sort of decent normal guy he'd have found it humorous and your embarrassment cute...
SOlarPanel348 0
or just very loud.
Fakeddd 0
100- I see what you did there.
PetiteLady 4
Tell the truth OP.... did you really fart, or did your queef?
DPApilot 0
lufthansa?
sydneyaval 9
76- a shard is a piece of glass dumb ass. a shart is a shit fart.
mahomie97 7
don't you mean shart?!?
a_nutritionist 10
@145...ah youre in the military, now your comment makes sense. sorry, i figured you must be 12 until i noticed.
vipnip 0
yup :)
starlover77 0
155- Eww>.<
aussie_gemini 5
#178 why dies it make sense that if 145 wasn't 12, he'd be in the military? I'm not either, yet I find farts hilarious!
aussie_gemini 5
does* ?
theybebitchin 4
ur a bitch. men are dogs? your such a ******* ****. go hang yourself. i ******* hate sexism.
a_nutritionist 10
@215 you clearly know nothing about australias military.
johnny631 4
lmao. btw BRoy is my dude
Gorillaz23 9
How pleasant...
OWNZ 0
nothins sexier than farting all over their hand! yummy ;)
JoeTheMan12 0
let's hope he has some sort of fart fetish?
Bofopio 0
far as I know pockets or on the butt cheeks not on the butt hole, so she didn't fart on the hand.
lalala2589 0
I'm sure she really blew him away with her uniqueness.
atthegates 0
he should have gave you the meanest cup of fart of all time
ayooBrandon 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
qweeeef
Hayman68 4
his hand was in her back pocket so thats not a queef its a fart
ayooBrandon 12
I know what a qweef is, but that's the first thing that popped in my head when I read this
ayooBrandon 12
I know but qweef was the first thing word that popped onto my head when I read this
jacob12311 4
thing word????
kocoman500 2
u have the wrong hole dipshit :P
Metal_Chick 15
You know, if she was wearing really tight jeans the vibration of the queef could have traveled up the crack to her asshole lmao; maybe she's just in denial because queefing is more embarrassing than farting..maybe? lmao
mahomie97 7
hahahahahahahah you juss made my day(;
a_nutritionist 10
dumb ****. ...it was the first "thing word" that popped "onto" my head when i read this
ayooBrandon 12
dumb **** I meant to put just "word" and not "thing" and get a life instead of correcting people's grammar over the internet
a_nutritionist 10
actually i didnt "correct" anything. and im sorry, i should clarify, i was referring to your overall stupidity, from the first comment onward. i can see how you thought i was meaning just the typos, but no. its not me, its you.
AnonymousL0L 0
194, before you start pointing out things that are wrong with the way people type, maybe you should learn to capitalize and punctuate correctly.
burninnapalm 5
194 - I see what you did there
a_nutritionist 10
@198 that would make sense if my post was incoherent. nobody expects perfection, but knowing how to put together a sentence that makes logical sense is not too much to ask for.
flamegrilled123 3
there is no "wrong hole" in true love
Briiiiitt4lifee 0
Ew, wtf?
johnson94 5
Brazilian fart **** fetish?
smurfsarwales 9
ahaha southpark :D
Sarababyyy94 0
^^ you're a cutie (=
Sarababyyy94 0
johnson94 that is (=
youngbuck10 9
Unexpected farting always ruins the mood. :(
lylasgurgur 12
lol
cbaidchris 6
I would say expected farting does as well...
youngbuck10 9
Yeah but this sounded unexpected to me. I mean come on they wasn't past the "comfortable" stage yet.
PetiteLady 4
Always makes me laugh like hell... when somebody else does it.
youngbuck10 9
I giggle like hell even when I do it, haha.
whisperingeye13 0
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
toliepoley 0
FYL. quief?
seeunexttuesdays 6
*queef lol
sydney_herbach 3
what's with all the queer comments? it's not a common occurrence, at least for me it isn't...
sydney_herbach 3
queef, ugh
FiestaInMyPants 8
He took your breath away, but from the wrong end..
tasha86 4
lmao!
anothersuicide 0
and thats why your not getting it in the butt.
PrincessLaurz 4
wow how attractive haha
HannahForbesxo 13
Keepin' it classy.
Ali333 0
Haha(:
samanthanicolee 0
haha sounds glorious