Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
Today, while working a night shift completely alone at a truck stop, a trucker asked me to get in the shower with him for a "funner night shift", and threw his towels and clothes at me when I told him no. FML
Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML
Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML
Today, I was having a rough day and decided to go out for a walk at 1 a.m. to clear my head. I ended up being driven home by two cops, who thought I was prostituting myself at the truck stop. When we arrived, they had a nice conversation with my parents. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
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Top comments
1Tsk 0
did you do it?
speedmastaflex 0
Lol. Dude couldnt afford to take you to a motel?
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Comments (112)
TheGrapeApe 0
Why didn't you do it.. He said he'd give you a bill what's the problem?
gingermonster16 0
You should have bargained with him for shitt's and gig's. Just to see how much he'd pay for you. Then bear-mace his ass.
bollywood_rocks 0
hey now! Are you saying hookers aren't cute? Never been to Vegas, 'ave you? hahaha
notsodelighted 0
Paid Vegas strippers are hot, street walking Vegas strippers are not, and just a touch of sad too.
Ajorioles 0
Lol. this is the mace they use on bears , ******!
voveraite 7
People, people, maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, but why does everyone have to make such silly jokes and not sympathize? OP, FYL, being offered money for sex is really depressing. I don't think you are so physically unappealing, otherwise the guy wouldn't dare mistake you for a street worker (unless your apparel was more than a bit revealing). So chin up, and press the ignore button in such cases.
georgia_fml 0
Oh dear, FYL indeed.
jaimert 0
I wouldve done it for 500
p00p0ster0us 0
Aw, the poor man was so tired he wanted you to sleep with him. I guess so you could keep watch so nobody would steel his wallet and shoes, while he slept.
pempem 0
Well there are people who have never been hit on since birth lol be thankful
Phallus_fml 0
Did he do anal or 69? I prefer the former. Lucky you, bitch.
FreedomFirst 0
Lol. Yuck.
plexico 4
IN THE DUMPSTER! FTW! On second thought, it was behind an IHOP. Having sex with a stranger on a bed of half-eaten pancakes and several flavors of syrups could be very erotic. Now, I know what I want to do for my anniversary.
BAbyR 0
your life sucks?