Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML
Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML
Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML
Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
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Top comments
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Spider pig, spider pig......
redbluegreen 41
Unless Harry Potter attends.
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Comments (110)
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Spider pig, spider pig......
Sarra88 4
does whatever a spider pig does
queencitystoner 0
spins a web? no he can't, cuz he's a pig lol
dreamering 16
Stop smoking crack, OK!
queencitystoner 0
lol but it's good for the soul.
EffinAhole 0
"And then when the meth wore off I realized I wasn't driving and my boyfriend was just dick slappin the shit outta me"
Smeagol648 0
SPIDER PIG FTW
RTRbryant 0
funny shit
nond2nv 4
I'm confused about the metal wire part. There was a metal wire in the meat??
SShelbyy 1
who said pigs don't fly? hahahaha
TiffanyBlews27 0
He's not spider pig anymore; he's Harry Plopper!
hp_obsessed 0
Harry Plopper? Oh my god, can I get an autograph Mr. Plopper? Or maybe a picture? Mr. Plopper? Mr. Plopper? XD
emilyrules41 0
me 2
omnomnicon 9
aw unlucky!
bloobelly 0
how many peircings do you have??
queencitystoner 0
love the piercings!! :)
Dragons_corner 6
I might be wrong but that looks like a neckless. is it a neckless or piercings??
Dragons_corner 6
what? jessi2487 is who I see but when I refresh it says someone else and of I refresh it goes back to Jess and it just keeps on doing that what the hell?
DivineGarden 0
wow win ;)
kittycat1597 10
Got a lot of piercings there. How many??
MissGrinch 4
Oink.
TheTigerRoars 0
Noooo, MissGrinch! Don't convert to the piggish ways of the humans! -Fluffy McTiger
kwmfl 4
you two make a good pair (: it makes my day reading your posts.
TheTigerRoars 0
-bows- Why thank you, I'm glad to make your day. I love making everything revolve around me. :D -Fluffy McTiger
kwmfl 4
your very welcome(: would you like a flying piece of salami for your efforts?
MissGrinch 4
Thank you as well. Now, where's EffinAHole to witness this?
TheTigerRoars 0
I would, it'll be like frisbee with a dog. Only you won't get it back and it will be viciously eaten. Where is butt hole? Print screen and email. :D -Fluffy McTiger
EffinAhole 0
It doesn't count coming from another cat. Sorry guys! Oh, and that catnip I just gave you 2 was soaked in anti-freeze. Sweet dreams! >:)
TheTigerRoars 0
I didn't use any catnip though. I sold it to the Strays across the street. O.O -Fluffy McTiger
MissGrinch 4
The cat was human when that statement was made! Night, sweetheart. We'll be waiting for you to wake up.
Dragons_corner 6
42!you need "smith" added to your shirt.
kwmfl 4
uea i was human when i made that comment! WAS. i decided to follow my true calling as a fellow feline
cbr600_fml 0
third!!!!!!
Jessi2487 0
dude, smh thts all i can say
singer4life666 0
Haha, at a loss for words...
Rokksteady 3
LOL! That's bad luck dude.
Zeek63 0
A hunk-a-hunk-a-hunk of flying pig
Mirorbo 27
Oh, that'll be a fun one to tell about at parties!~
Filitov 0
Indeed. Hell of a lot more entertaining of a scar story than what all the other people will likely have.
redbluegreen 41
Unless Harry Potter attends.
EffinAhole 0
44 that was completely dorky but hilarious.
hp_obsessed 0
Harry Potter's scar beats all! Who needs spidey senses when you've got scar senses?
kiwiblueskeee 1
Only in New Zealand would this happen... and I can legitimately say this, I'm from NZ. Bloody Aucklanders, it's like they're on a complete different planet.
aussie_gemini 5
it would probably happen in oz too.. actually we'd just throw the pig lol
rpvia 0
way to get slapped with man meat op 386) 341- 9637 t e x t it!
Natasha97 0
Did you eat it? So is it the time when pig flies yet? Spider pig spider pig...
bee182 5
did you then pull over and kick his dog off a bridge??? (anchorman Refrence)
MOGCrusader 0
the man punted Baxter!
to3_tag 0
"WHAT?" "the biker, he punted Baxter cuz I threw a burrito at him" **Sobs**
Mlikescatz 6
Omfg best freaking movie ever!!!!!!!!