Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, my husband and I were having an argument over accidentally leaving a to-go container of leftovers at a restaurant. He asked me why I didn’t remind him and I said that I forgot. He asked me, “What if you forgot to breathe one day? You’d die.” Then he kicked me out of the car and told me to walk home. FML
Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I attempted to conquer my fear of eating out. The very first thing I saw as soon as I got to the restaurant? An unconscious guy getting taken away by paramedics. I turned around and went straight home. FML
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
If you're one of those people that orders a ton of food and then only eats a tiny bit, you totally deserve it. Especially if he's the one paying for the meal.
allmidnighteyes 11
Was it at KFC? I want a failure pile in a sadness bowl!
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Comments (69)
WhatTheFuq 0
Either get fat or loose wight from walking home. your call buddy!
ownitx3 0
WTF?
22cute 17
so walk home. He's an ass & I would get in the car with him anyway. Psychotic in laws!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Wait what? You would get the in the car with him anyway? Did you mean wouldn't or were you pointing out this is a do as you say not as you do situation?
nikki9tails 3
he's an ass
gunman15 4
wasting foods not cool
Articwolf492 0
which means; he paid lol
ragzilla 0
welcome to America, fattie
gatiivs 3
i want to hear those words told as a joke. really try it
Dcm210 19
eat so much that u puke and the bllllaaaahhh!!!! all over him :)
lipsmacker202 1
so..?