Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
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Top comments
LezBiHonest 7
Theres always room for one more...
hashnasnne 0
god bless your mother
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Comments (141)
mrszane93 5
She wanted to join the party as the "cool mom".
BikeAllDay818 6
Your mom is awesome.
JoeLouisBomber 9
When i read this the mental image was too funny
BikeAllDay818 6
But only because that didn't happen to me. Lmao
BeefyQueef 5
That would be one hell of an awkward threesome
potatosrock 10
have revenge by throwing water balloons at them when they are cuddling
mrszane93 5
No! Who would do that with their mother? Gross.
DocBastard 40
Does anyone think the "threesome!!" jokes are in any way original? For ****'s sake people, let it die.
rhysfucker 24
I know! Just the mom and girlfriend works fine.
perdix 31
I never think they are original, but I always think they are funny!!
paynee 0
Hmm your profile seems pretty cocky and grammar nazi doc, although ur picture is cool, have to give ya that! (did u notice I didnt spell you or your or you're right? And that I commented on a persons profile picture? I really hope U did) Lol I was bored.. Needed to annoy someone :)
DocBastard 40
Paynee - what you're doing is called trolling. It isn't annoying to me in the slightest. All it does is expose you for what you are.
RainbowHeadache 2
Paynee you picked one of the worst people on FML to try & annoy. :|
Rainchikmoo 6
Jeeze you people jump to conclusions too fast! I'm sure no threesome was intended, she wanted the girl all to herself ;p
sharktat2 10
That doesn't seem too bad..its sounds kinda fun :)