Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
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Top comments
LezBiHonest 7
Theres always room for one more...
hashnasnne 0
god bless your mother
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Comments (141)
kyarush 10
HELL YEAH! (taps mom later)
mrszane93 5
Lol shutting up would be best.
hateevryone 15
i would've been embarrassed.
linkinpark98 24
I just got the funniest mental image reading this. XD
builditbetter09 3
^^^ What if she jumped through a window to an other room then walked in? Also "she probably lives there otherwise OP would've mentioned that she shouldn't be there" is a weak statement. Following you logic we don't know if she lives with him because "he didn't say she lived there" Now you can dramatically walk off. :)
bubo_fml 11
Havin' yer muffin w/ some milf...That's style, Bra!
Pixelatedmess 0
lmfao!!!! :)
Trix_Disorder 20
Lept*
riotshield 3
It seems like Canadians are the rednecks of the world. XD It always seems like there's some weird incest issues, parents verbally abusing their kids, or stealing from them. Either that or they're the ones who love to complain the loudest.
drummerchic14 0
it seems like you're an idiot
BAMitsnikki 8
At least you have a cool mom. When my mums drunk she throws pillows at the neighbours. ._."