Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
mjprox 0
ouch.
Chelsea_Grin_10 0
you shud of kept it as a pet n named it cuddles :D
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Comments (108)
momony_fml 0
-12- think ya missed ! OP- that'll teach ya not to throw coons away !
cartoonhead 0
this made me lmfao. thank you sir
naturallycrazy 0
"here kitty, come snuggles with mama.":)
GLOCKMAMA 0
Since I own 1 & it looks just like that I laugh everytime I c that commercial.
wDeemish 0
hahaha kill him :)
beastmcbeastly 0
rawr
colin2010 0
ouchhh :/
IronZombie 0
shouldve made an illegal Mexican do it
FML191919 3
I'm sorry but I laugehed hard on your last sentence. Those things are vicious!! RUN!!!!
MagicMidget 0
you guys racoons arent little fluffy thing u can pick up and cuddle with....No those things are ******* assholes
GLOCKMAMA 0
U r right on wild undomesticated 1s. But, if u have 1 as a pet, which I do, then they r very cute & cuddly!
wtfed 0
Lucky you! I always get squirrels... not much meat on squirrels.. sigh