Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
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Top comments
Kimienxtc 0
"My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard..."
Julle_fml 0
Hysterics as in laughing? or did she get mad? I hope not, it's a fun story :P
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Comments (91)
llSgtScopell 0
Well its something you two can look back at and laugh about later :D
nesj 0
LOL--I do not understand the physics of that mishap!
shaPOW 0
@34: I agree... I can't think of any way this would actually happen. This might be an actual FML if your wife thought you did it on purpose and then punched you or something, but it's just hilarious!
159753 0
#26 - hey, jackass, i'd like to see you argue that one with merriam-webster: Main Entry: hys·ter·ics Pronunciation: -?ter-iks Function: noun plural but singular or plural in construction Date: 1721 : a fit of uncontrollable laughter or crying
Seegtease 0
One cannot burst into "hysterics". Well they can, but it doesn't tell the reader whether they were laughing or crying, only that they were doing one or the other hysterically. So depending on which one this FML is referring to, my feelings on it will vary. Please, people, be more specific when you use words you clearly do not fully understand. Given the context (it was your wife, and you fell on another, albeit older, womans boobs) my first impression is that she was upset, which would be more of an FML than her just laughing at you. If she were upset, that would mean you have some overly emotional wreck of a wife, which would be an FML. If she were laughing, that would mean she's pretty normal, and thusly NOT an FML. So please, again, learn to be specific.
afj67 0
that is really funny. at least your wife was able to hold back that long. i would have laughed right away and probably made you more embarrassed.
neverland_fml 0
Hysteric laughter or hysteria? If she laughed, this is funny. If she started screaming and crying, then you need a divorce. :D
Daysgoby 0
Do your ******* hang low do they wobble to the flo' CAN YOU TIE 'EM IN A KNOT CAN YOU TIE 'EM IN A BOW?
mattmag 0
What kind of hysterics? Laughing or crying?
llamatrauma 5
37, you're an arrogant tool.