Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
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Top comments
Patriots21 14
Penis jokes are ALWAYS funny.
gordjess1 19
That's when you pretend you aren't with them.. Turn the other way and walk off.
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Comments (45)
chuchusheep 19
thats kind of like really hilarious.
FalloutScrolls 25
Boys never grow up. They just get older.
FutureSurgeon 16
At least he's not the uptight type I suppose. But still, must be difficult sometimes!
CuteKoalaGirl 18
Interestingly enough, I'd be laughing over this instead of saying "FML." If this is the worst thing happening in your life, consider yourself lucky!
Tannasgh 22
Fun fact: this will occur far more frequently as they get older and eventually you will have to stop and pick up diapers for them on the way over...
columbusthecat 17
I hope to be this awesome when I'm a parent.
LifeFailure 16
My mother held up a "personal massager" (shaped like a *****) up to her crotch at Brookstone. It's great to have funny parents.
suosi 21
i wouldnt mind a parent like that
lengi123 18
That's gonna be me as a dad, I owe it to my kids to embarrass them
samlovesham1234 9
Your dad dropped out after grade six I presume right?