Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML
Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML
Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML
Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML
Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML
Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML
Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, "I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy." FML
Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML
Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML
Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML
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Top comments
FernandoTorres_fml 0
To rephrase this FML: Today, I told the truth. There were no consequences. FML.
Emperor_Jim 0
Um... so ******' what? She's gotten bigger, and you correctly stated this fact. Big deal.
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Comments (90)
Sappheyes 0
I hear the bicep of a young man tastes like filet mignon.
perdix 31
An old guy's bicep tastes like bacon. That's why I always wear short sleeves! People look at me weird when I wipe tomato, mayo and breadcrumbs on my "guns!"
Cthulu 0
OMG TIME TO VISIT THE FUNERAL HOME AND BINGE ON "BACON"
uxoriouswidow 0
I should think they would. What kind of 'biceps au pain' goes without lettuce?
MetroidSlayer01 8
haha. you do know how to use that little brain of yours, right? ydi
yakturk43 0
what roids r u using that u gained 45lbs of muscle in a few months??? thought balco closed down
willowbeauty 0
No no. OP said that he gained a lot of muscle. The girl he was talking to was the one who gained 45 pounds. Hence the FML, because he inadvertantly called her fat.
ImTrEvOr 8
haha that sucks lol
twist_of_fame93 0
I watched one episode of biggest loser and couldn't stand it. fat pol r dumb
erizzz 0
hahaha way to call that fattie out! tell her to go on a diet or start putting a finger down her throat every once in awhile.
applesmoothiee 2
Geez I hate it when I say you too to people. Especially when they say nice to meet you i always say thanks, you too o_O
alexisthename 0
She's 14 years old, Chester.
omgitscurtis 0
who says that to a woman?! common man!!
Thunderbender 2
Thats gotta be one of the funniest things I've ever heard... you're a horrible person for it thought.. hilarious.. but horrible.
Craw25 0
you gotta bit your tounge sometimes
perdix 31
The bad news is that you blew any chance you would have to get in her pants. The good news is that you blew any chance you would have to get in her pants. Unless you're a plumpa humpa or a chubby chaser, then it is all bad news.
Thunderbender 2
You forgot Swine-o