Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML
Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of nowhere. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look! We hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML
Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML
Today, we were planning to go out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. My kids and I were all dressed and ready to go when my husband waltzes in with fast food. He said he found some coupons for a free family meal. The kids and I got upset and he said, "I didn't have to get this for you guys." FML
Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML
Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML
Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML
Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML
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Top comments
sirsquab 12
Those kids are going places.
Rosebudx 32
At least you've taught them to listen closely.
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Comments (150)
gregpeters 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Don't force your kids to eat vegetables my parents never did and I'm close to being the quarter back on my football team and I still don't eat them
kate_themediocre 6
Except that vegetables are an important part of a healthy diet, and allowing kids to develop bad eating habits when they're young is setting them up for obesity and other problems when they're older.
Axel5238 29
Good for you, but that doesn't change the fact it's part of a healthy diet. Bad habits learned when young are harder to grow out of when older. There way too many kids even if skinny are in bad shape due to bad diet and lack of exercise.
bpickett18 16
However, forcing vegetables down your child throat will make them less likely to eat them later even if they like them. thats my problem.my dad did thst to me and now veggies mske me relive a negative expetiance in my life.
juturnaamo 29
Once you're a grown up, it's your choice, and if you don't eat vegetables, it's your own fault. Don't blame your dad's trying to keep you healthy for your childishness.
TXFernwoods 26
I would high-5 them too.
ToreyyyW 15
Haha smart kids!
mybubbles2000 13
I would have had to high five them too.
toxic_walrus 15
You're raising a good set of kids!
worldclassrager 41
Haha that's a good one...I'll have to remember that one... Well they did technically obey you maybe the word vegetable would be more suiting
Respect101 17
Yeah I agree, maybe if you were more specific you could actually have the right to punish them.
Dr_Awesome654 24
Hey you again!
ArmyDoc 11
This is what happens when people follow the letter of the law instead of the spirit of it. Perfect time to teach them about taxes and take half!
Door_Productions 19
I fail to see the fml. You have clever children is all, be proud! (:
haroldstagram 12
At least they listened
iNoob10 6
They'll be great lawyers