Today, I walked into a gas station to get a bag of chips. Upon moving towards the counter to pay, I noticed the cashier had what looked like a golf ball stuffed in his cheek. I said to him in a joking manner, "That's a huge pinch of dip!" His reply, "It's mouth cancer." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I had a quarter in my pocket. I found no change in my pocket once I got to the register, so I pulled out my credit card. The cashier laughed a few seconds later when my card was declined for a piece of gum. FML
Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine check-up, and halfway through the appointment, the dentist exclaimed, "Oops!" Turns out, he accidentally glued my lips together while fixing a tiny chip in my front tooth. I spent the next two hours communicating through exaggerated facial expressions and hand gestures. FML
Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML
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Top comments
NoNotTheFace 8
At least you didn't make fun of him badly. It's not like you would know, right? "God must love you. He gave you a third ball."
ThatLooksSticky 16
Well...he probably has mouth cancer because of all the dip he's um, chewed? Sucked? Whatever you do with dip.
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Comments (180)
Jamicianprince 1
That must have made you feel bad
Alwayspullout 7
As it should have...
ankoku 2
If it's any consolation there is a decent chance it was caused by him using dip
Marcella1016 32
So many YDIs. There's no way he could've known. Plus he's in Texas it's probably common as hell for those people to dip or whatever. Sucks for him to have made that mistake.
theaws0m3guy 4
Must've given you a lump in the throat...
theaws0m3guy 4
Must've given you a lump in the throat...
leezach 7
I'm from Texas and I'm surprised the guy *wasn't* dipping.
IThinkItsAlright 7
I'm from Texas. I don't use dip nor do my family and friends.
cruxx 0
Stereotypes are bad.
Keyman1212 14
79, you look like your 12.... Thank God you don't dip at such a young age.
bawpo 2
You're close! He's 14 lol
CANNIBALx 0
If I saw someone with a lump in their mouth, cancer would be far from the first thing I thought it was. So OP shouldn't feel too bad, it's not like there's any way he could have known.
scrapmetal58 9
I'm going to assume that dip means chewing tobacco. Crazy disgusting.
stacianichole 2
54 - I think the YDI's are coming from the idea that it's best to just not make comments like that in the first place...cause you could end up sticking your foot in your mouth.
ohSNAPyall 27
107 I'm impressed with your deduction skills. So many FMLers ask everyone to explain things that should be clear from contextual clues.
scrapmetal58 9
Where I'm from people call it chewing tobacco or chew.
Bekeliyr 10
Only comes from dirty rednecks...
AndieAvacado 0
It is. A couple people in my class at my Old school did it IN class. Teachers said nothing
Prankster7o7 5
Chewing tobacco and dip is two different things, but with the same point, dip or snuff is shredded or ground tobacco that you place between your lip and gums and you spit, chewing tobacco or just chew is tobacco leaves or pellets that you place in your cheek and chew to release the nicotine and flavors and then you spit, it happens to taste like raisins.
yelad93 4
Thank you mr obvious!
FrostHeart 36
79, and you know all about it don't you?
thekewlest69 9
haha how were u supposed to know
TwitchingNebula 17
OP shouldn't deserve it. It probably was from dipping.
ieatunicorn4fun 7
'sigh'
iamaleccarlson 0
Asshole
officeradvil 8
OP was basically right.
rayrayray23 1
-fail-
thaCODgod 4
probably got cancer from dip
thaCODgod 4
probably got cancer from dip
MrCoolPants 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You Fail at life...
Skittlepickle 13
He didn't know...
crabbyabby718 0
You fail at making interesting comments.
NoNotTheFace 8
At least you didn't make fun of him badly. It's not like you would know, right? "God must love you. He gave you a third ball."
loghan_fml 5
Yeah but he shouldn't have said anything at all since he didn't know what it was
ThatLooksSticky 16
Well...he probably has mouth cancer because of all the dip he's um, chewed? Sucked? Whatever you do with dip.
pulse18 2
^potatoe
GrammaticalNazi 2
*potato...
nycy 0
^Fail. You're a grammar Nazi, not a spelling Nazi. You have no jurisdiction here.
madalynn 11
that doesn't mean he can't correct spelling mistakes..
GrammaticalNazi 2
84: grammar - the branch of linguistics that deals with syntax and morphology (and sometimes also deals with semantics) I have jurisdiction.
BooGhosted 0
NO CAPITALS??
RedPillSucks 33
@69 Dan Quayle??
hubla 0
Why did you use ellipses Mr.Nazi was there more you wanted to say?
GrammaticalNazi 2
109 - I was conveying my cynical annoyance over the internet. Any more questions?
oops_im_fucked 8
I wish I could talk smart...
SOD_sonofdixie 5
No shit? The sky is in fact blue if you havent noticed lately.
Skittlepickle 13
Give him your spare change
_Oblivion_ 12
You're an ass.
chelseaaababyyy 17
he has cancer. hes not homeless.
coltsrock37 15
******* retard
prince122 0
Sounds like he's only half a godfather.
xoxogymmiexoxo 0
Aww poor guy :(
Falassalond 16
Poor guy. Did you appologize?
cBlackout 13
I think you owe someone an apology...
blondieblue33 2
...Not really. The reason he has mouth cancer is most likely because he did dip.
Alexisthebestest 16
Cancer is caused for a lot of different reasons, so **** you 36 for making that assumption.
mgsoloist 14
Wow 47 is a little hostile...calm down. That would be a legitimate reason. Just like if someone had lung cancer you might think they were a chain smoker.
Grimmerie 31
^this. it's not uncommon for people with cancer to be tobacco users. my friend is battling throat cancer and everyone asks if she smokes. it's a fairly logical assumption.
Alexisthebestest 16
Lol, I don't need to calm down, I'm fine actually. I've had a lot of people close to me die if cancer & it pisses me off when people think they deserve it or brought it on themselves. Don't jump to conclusions.
nitram06 2
Haha, and you're in school for oncology. I'm worried for any patients you have if you come unhinged that easily. Not to mention you clearly let things of no consequence effect your judgment aka -- your freak out. No one said it was the persons fault they have cancer; they simply said there is typically a CAUSE, such as smoking, chewing etc.
dinoluvsrawr 2
Someone can get cancer from secondhand smoke.
E_ve 9
It's been said before but seriously calm down. Everyone has people around who died or are dying of cancer but if we all jump down each other's throats about it... damn. It's true that smoking is one of the many causes of cancer. But so is asbestos (sorry if that's spelled wrong, English isn't my native language), working with chemicals or radiation, certain types of antibiotics, it's even rumored that some types of fruit cause cancer and there are many many more causes. OP couldn't have known it was cancer but 'when in doubt...' don't effin' say things like that.
Alexisthebestest 16
I'm not your buddy- so chill out with that shit. Yes, I'm in school for oncology & that's why I don't jump to such conclusions. Don't recall that being any of your business though.
lil_ham1644 29
&168: stop telling everyone else not to jump to conclusions. You're the one who immediately assumed that we're all making assumptions about everyone that had or has cancer. It's a terrible disease (I know, I'm a survivor) but it is fair to point out that tobacco products are leading causes of cancer. Just staying this fact does not mean that me or anyone else is saying that everyone who has or has had cancer deserves it by bringing it on themselves. Also, yes, you do need to chill out.